Thursday, March 1, 2012

Dad Things

It happens to everyone, it can't be avoided, with age you eventually notice that you're becoming more like your parents. I don't know what it's like for women, but for men it's a curiosity, a quest, and maybe down the road, an acceptance. Suddenly we start to understand ridiculous rules, behaviors and values they tried to install in us as children. Suddenly we understand the folly of youth. Suddenly it makes sense and we rebel less and less against it. Depending if it's negative, we rebel even more and try to break a cycle of abuse or addiction, but hopefully most of the time we embrace the traits we inherit from our parents.

     For me it started when my son was born. I wanted/want to give him the world, protect him, make sure he knew he was/is loved. As he grew it became apparent that he needed structure so I followed my parents example and put in place some of the same rules they had for me. With that came the understanding I mentioned earlier.
    
     Other things happened too though, strange unexpected things I never even thought about. For example, I without knowing it at first, adopted my Dad's fashion sense, a t-shirt and jeans with white tennis shoes. One could argue that that fashion is normal for men, and it is, but you'd have to know my Dad and his sons to truly get it. I found myself sitting like my Dad used to, especially on the couch. Back straight up, legs parted a little, feet on the floor, and arms folded resting on our belly-shelf while comically suffering from the omnipresent hiccup-burp. Sometimes when I'm eating, strange questions pop up in my head like "is this how my Dad chewed?" Next, and this may be a thing for all dads, but I am now able to fall asleep anywhere I am sitting. Whether it's at home, or dare I say, at church, even at the movies. I like to call this ability sleep anywhere "The Dad Syndrome". Women and Moms can talk up a storm all they want about how much they do for their families, and they do provide a lot, but all men know that a man's work is never done. Life saps our energy the most, causing this ability to sleep anywhere. To be fair to the ladies, single mothers may suffer from this too.

     The last trait that put the nail in the coffin for the subject of this blog, is laughter. The other night my wife was telling me a story, there was a funny part and I laughed. I swear on everything that it sounded the same as my Dad's and it shocked me so much that I immediately stopped laughing. It wasn't a bad thing, but after it happened I realized that the traits and other things we inherit from our parents are more profound we think they would be, at least at this current stage in life I'm at right now.

    Some parents get a bum deal, I realize this. Some parents are separated from their children and they worry that they aren't going to teach their kids what they want to teach them. They worry that they wont have enough time to teach them, I know because I have these same worries. The best advice I can give to someone in this situation is to do the best with the time you're given with them. Call them, send them letters, kids LOVE mail. Other parents may have obstacles in their way, maybe they get in their own way even, or maybe they feel like all of hell has put gates in between them and their kids. As a Dad I'm telling you to break down those gates because it's all worth it in the end.

    Lastly, I know that kids can get the crap end of the stick when it comes having parents, or no parents. Maybe one of their parents wasn't around, maybe one or both of the parents were abusive. Maybe you had a string of male or female figures in your life that never ended up being a parent to you. Some people never met their parents so they don't know what traits they inherited. They don't know if they have their father's laugh or their mother's sense of humor. They might worry that when they have kids they wont be good enough because they never learned from example. If any of those things are the case then as a Dad the thing I can tell you is to be like the best image of a parent you always wanted to have and the opposite of the superficial portrayals you see on the TV. Be the father you wanted to have. Be the mother you wanted to have.

In closing I want to wish all the parents, new parents and future parents good luck.

P.S. The Bible is a good instruction manual when properly studied.
    
    

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