Knowing how to be Myself.

     There comes a time in life when you decide to just throw everything into the wind to be yourself. Suddenly you find that you're a little more braver, have a little more courage, and you just start to show people who you really are. You start to take more chances in public or share what's really important to you with family and friends. Most strangely you're okay with the fact that people can take you or leave when confronted with this new situation, you're okay with it because your trust doesn't reside in people, but with something else. It's not an identity crisis, it's not because for months or perhaps years you have been struggling and meditating with it. It's is not a crisis at all no, it's is more of a blossoming, a reconciliation with who you really are and then you take the plunge!
      Near thirty I sometimes think about all of the chances I missed because I didn't do something like this sooner, but then I probably wouldn't be where I am with who I'm with today and that would be a great travesty. I may not have my dream job or living in the kind of place I want to live in, but in the end does that really define who I am? I say no. I have really been enjoying just throwing myself out there and taking chances artistically, whether it be writing, meddling in graphic arts, or starting fan pages on the Internet. I enjoy the nervousness of viewing reactions from my peers and friends. What will they think of my adventures? What will they say? Or, will they say anything at all? It is a true delight not knowing and sometimes if there is no reaction or a negative one at least I can take satisfaction in knowing that I took a chance at something. I can take satisfaction in knowing that I can be myself when I create things and share them. I can take satisfaction in challenging myself to do better.
     Part of being myself is always wanting to learn new things in certain areas of life like culture and faith. I constantly crave learning about the faith I've committed myself to, the God I've committed myself to. I seek to learn how to share it with others in a responsible way and how not to hide part of what I am. If I am to share one of the most important aspects about me than I must realize that I live in a very big world with people that do not share the same beliefs so the least I can do is learn about them and their beliefs in order to have a constructive conversation. I enjoy that challenge, the challenge of coming to integrate my hobbies with my beliefs systems even if one might think it can't be done.
     I'm sure I'll make mistakes along the way when continuing to figure out who I am. Maybe I'll say or do somethings that might turn some people away. The simple fact is though is that I am human and it happens, I'm just doing the best that I can do. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I like me, I like who I am right now, I like what I like, and I like putting myself out there. Hopefully this makes sense. If I had any advice to give right now it would be; Just be yourself, be with a person that likes you for who you are. And since I'm putting myself out there, I'll give the old Christian standby advice; Seek first the kingdom of God, and know what the kingdom is as you share it.

Dad Things

It happens to everyone, it can't be avoided, with age you eventually notice that you're becoming more like your parents. I don't know what it's like for women, but for men it's a curiosity, a quest, and maybe down the road, an acceptance. Suddenly we start to understand ridiculous rules, behaviors and values they tried to install in us as children. Suddenly we understand the folly of youth. Suddenly it makes sense and we rebel less and less against it. Depending if it's negative, we rebel even more and try to break a cycle of abuse or addiction, but hopefully most of the time we embrace the traits we inherit from our parents.

     For me it started when my son was born. I wanted/want to give him the world, protect him, make sure he knew he was/is loved. As he grew it became apparent that he needed structure so I followed my parents example and put in place some of the same rules they had for me. With that came the understanding I mentioned earlier.
    
     Other things happened too though, strange unexpected things I never even thought about. For example, I without knowing it at first, adopted my Dad's fashion sense, a t-shirt and jeans with white tennis shoes. One could argue that that fashion is normal for men, and it is, but you'd have to know my Dad and his sons to truly get it. I found myself sitting like my Dad used to, especially on the couch. Back straight up, legs parted a little, feet on the floor, and arms folded resting on our belly-shelf while comically suffering from the omnipresent hiccup-burp. Sometimes when I'm eating, strange questions pop up in my head like "is this how my Dad chewed?" Next, and this may be a thing for all dads, but I am now able to fall asleep anywhere I am sitting. Whether it's at home, or dare I say, at church, even at the movies. I like to call this ability sleep anywhere "The Dad Syndrome". Women and Moms can talk up a storm all they want about how much they do for their families, and they do provide a lot, but all men know that a man's work is never done. Life saps our energy the most, causing this ability to sleep anywhere. To be fair to the ladies, single mothers may suffer from this too.

     The last trait that put the nail in the coffin for the subject of this blog, is laughter. The other night my wife was telling me a story, there was a funny part and I laughed. I swear on everything that it sounded the same as my Dad's and it shocked me so much that I immediately stopped laughing. It wasn't a bad thing, but after it happened I realized that the traits and other things we inherit from our parents are more profound we think they would be, at least at this current stage in life I'm at right now.

    Some parents get a bum deal, I realize this. Some parents are separated from their children and they worry that they aren't going to teach their kids what they want to teach them. They worry that they wont have enough time to teach them, I know because I have these same worries. The best advice I can give to someone in this situation is to do the best with the time you're given with them. Call them, send them letters, kids LOVE mail. Other parents may have obstacles in their way, maybe they get in their own way even, or maybe they feel like all of hell has put gates in between them and their kids. As a Dad I'm telling you to break down those gates because it's all worth it in the end.

    Lastly, I know that kids can get the crap end of the stick when it comes having parents, or no parents. Maybe one of their parents wasn't around, maybe one or both of the parents were abusive. Maybe you had a string of male or female figures in your life that never ended up being a parent to you. Some people never met their parents so they don't know what traits they inherited. They don't know if they have their father's laugh or their mother's sense of humor. They might worry that when they have kids they wont be good enough because they never learned from example. If any of those things are the case then as a Dad the thing I can tell you is to be like the best image of a parent you always wanted to have and the opposite of the superficial portrayals you see on the TV. Be the father you wanted to have. Be the mother you wanted to have.

In closing I want to wish all the parents, new parents and future parents good luck.

P.S. The Bible is a good instruction manual when properly studied.